just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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