it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
