You can't motorboat a personality
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
