Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
