How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize