She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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