i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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