i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The dick lei will go down in squad history
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
