my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
