The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
