I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
