just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How does it feel to date your dad?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
