My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize