I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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