Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
