he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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