You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
