we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
