She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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