I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
