I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
