the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
