it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
