I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This is the prime rib incident all over again
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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