I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
