Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
