So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
