Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
