No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
