Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
