My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
