I want to have your abortion
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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