Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
