Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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