Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
