The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
im six kinds of drunk right now
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
