Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
