I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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