I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
