Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
