I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
