Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize