Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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