Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
