Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
