i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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