i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
