the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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