Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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