I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize