Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm gonna fight the coyote
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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