i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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