I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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