I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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