Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
