You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
