Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
