$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
