i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
