bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
