you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
