i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
