i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
