shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
