At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize