I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You are the jesus of drinking
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
