i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
His nipple licking is glorious
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