Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Holy sore nipples Batman
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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