yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
